A Fry Up Alignment Chart

Look, it needed to be done.


The good must by necessity through the desire to not harm others be vegetarian/vegan. Neutral and evil lack the same compulsion to avoid meat, and thus include them. Evil is more likely to have more meat to excess, or enter into strange forms of meat such as marrow.

The lawful must be traditionalist and abide by strict rules, avoiding that which is new or overly controversial. Hash browns and black pudding (owing to their regional differences) should be avoided. Personally, whilst I am opposed to tomatoes and mushrooms, I recognise their traditional role. N.b. that chaotic good has not fried their tomatoes but is using unfried cherry tomatoes in direct rebellion to the concept of a fry up. Sausages to be used as a breakwater is a must.

The chaotic must welcome things above and beyond the controversial to that which is abominable; guacamole, peppers, cherry tomatoes, highly unconventional presentation. Toast is unlikely to be buttered in favour of freakish substitutes. Tea is unlikely to be seen whatsoever, or if present will be an odd herbal tea.



LAWFUL GOOD: This is a traditional approach to a fryup avoiding controversy but with the meat removed and no substitutions made in a purist desire to fight relentlessly against meat.

NEUTRAL GOOD: Whilst this fryup is vegetarian, they cannot resist a meaty substitute, and have been swayed to include a hash brown. Nonetheless their toast is buttered.

CHAOTIC GOOD: I mean, what the fuck? Peppers, no butter to be seen, some weird fucking bean thing, CHERRY TOMATOES, desecrated mushrooms, and some weird monstrosity of green and brown that looks like it was dragged from a sewer. But there’s no meat.

LAWFUL NEUTRAL*: Well ordered, with general messiness from beans avoided through their capture. The poached eggs, whilst not necessarily popular, are nevertheless a traditional option, and perhaps the only variation present. A generally sparse amount of meat is disappointing but the price to pay for the personal discipline of the plate. Some lovely toast, though. Not a hash brown or black pudding in sight.

TRUE NEUTRAL: Tragically undecided and dragged this way and another, it presents both white and black pudding, but has some lovely breakwater action. The orange juice is a shame, but a healthy touch. No ingredients to excess, a nice diverse balance albeit with unconventional aspects in unbuttered toast and a hash brown.

CHAOTIC NEUTRAL: Freakishly American, this has no mushrooms or tomatoes, uses streaky bacon, and has some weird sort of potato thing. No butter visible. No sausages. Profoundly distressing.

LAWFUL EVIL*: Traditional presentation and ingredients albeit in the meaty tradition with black pudding. Monster sausages and six rashers of back bacon show carniverous dedication. A beautiful hue in the cup of tea and some fine upmarket ketchup. Slightly unconventional breakwater action with mushrooms instead of sausages, but that’s because this time the sausages themselves need a bit of isolation. It’s so good, but it’s so bad.

NEUTRAL EVIL: Unconventional presentation but a Dionysian excess of traditional meats. The lack of any tea, or breakwatering of any kind is offset to some extent by the healthy stack of buttered toast. The high-vis jacket suggests this is the meal of the working man (or, of course, woman) who wants calories, and they want them now. The stuff upon which Britain’s highways are slowly repaved. One assumes a very sugary and milky tea is being prepared just off-camera - whoever is having this breakfast isn’t interested in ‘Five-a-day’ or other such nanny state public health announcements.

CHAOTIC EVIL†: I don’t want to talk about it.




*I am less sure of these and open to suggestions, I understand some consternation is possible.


Dissertation? What dissertation.